Parenting (as seen by a childless man)

Today I want to quickly refer all of you back to my post about apathy.
I was visiting with my mother, shortly after writing that letter. I was telling her that I had discussed the topic briefly with Pastor, and that the letter was the result. When I described to her the content, she was rather surprised at how closely our viewpoints were on the topic.
I just call that proper parenting. To my way of thinking, your child should wind up with your values, or be opposed to those values.
Look at it this way, if parents have done their job right, they have instilled values and morals by example, and by providing consequences when the child does wrong. When the proper example is shown, and reinforced by the larger community, (Hilary was right, it does take a community to raise a child.) then the kid should grow up carrying those same ideals. Kids absorb so much in the first five years of their lives, and parents are the primary source.
On the other hand, it is possible for a child to see the examples of his or her parents, and decide that those behaviours or morals are not right. This usually happens when children get out into the larger world of school and playmates. This is the critical time for parenting, if you want a child to behave in a certain way. When a child sees that his or her parents are behaving in a way that society deems wrong, he or she will either defend the family way, since these are his or her parents, or decide that society must be right.
Changes of values within a family don't come out of nowhere. There has to be a clear reason for the child to turn his or her back on the teachings of a young lifetime.
There are some values of my father's that I have not chosen to follow, and some of my mother's that I left behind as well. These things aren't bones of contention, they are just beliefs that I hold differently from them. I accept their right to believe as they do, and act accordingly. They have awarded me the same respect, because I have earned it by being the best man that I can be.
What it all boils down to is that parenting should have a kind of miraculous appearance. When done right, it should seem like the parent has done nothing at all. When the child turns out right, and the parents agree with his or her decisions, they should be surprised. When the child has gone a little off the path that they would have chosen, the parents should take a look at what they have done and said, and then decide if maybe the kid made a wrong turn. They aren't necessarily the cause of the mistakes, but it never hurts to look first, and then question.
For the most part, I think parenting is a matter of leading by example, and answering questions as honestly and openly as possible. Don't try to raise the perfect child. Try to raise your child as best you can, and then leave it to them to finish the job. You may be surprised at just how well things will turn out in the end.