I've been thinking today about the nature of relationships that I see around me, both real and ones portrayed in fiction. The best ones all seem to have the "little things" in common. Both parties always consider the needs of others first, and not just their partners, but others in general. Small gestures of affection and respect mean a lot. Just holding a door open or helping a person on with a coat is important.
When I speak of gestures of affection though, I mean little things. A simple reaching over to touch a shoulder when needing support. There is nothing more intimate than straightening your husbands tie, or brushing hair out of your wife's eyes. Those are things that we wouldn't dream of letting anyone else do. Kids today think that showing affection is holding each other so close that you can't see light between them. Schools have to have rules about PDA (public displays of affection) because things are getting so out of hand. I know, I was guilty of it at one time myself.
There are lot of knowing smiles and inside jokes in a good relationship. What looks like silliness from the outside is a shared moment on the inside. When a couple are truly meant for each other, I can tell, because part of the time, I have now clue what the pair are talking about. It's all incomplete phrases. "Remember when John..." or "Just like my sister did." Really meaningful conversation is silent where two people are in accord. More can be said in a single glance.
True love is helping each other to a seat. It is instinctively holding hands when walking along the sidewalk, swinging your arms in unison. It is putting the second coffee mug on the counter before the other person has gotten up, and doing it even when they aren't there. It is remembering to put the toilet seat down, even in public washrooms, where it makes no real difference.
I think you have to truly grow up yourself to understand what it is that makes a relationship work. You can still have some of the inner child, but you will share that with your partner. Nothing says grown up like playing together.
Before playing the blame game in any relationship, I like to look back at a couple's past. Did I see the small things from both people? It takes more than one person. If the small signs aren't there, the big ones (like marriage, children and sex) mean absolutely nothing.
Just a thought.
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It's that type of relationship I would love to have with someone. I'm a little young yet though, so I'm taking my time. I think too many people my age and even those a little bit older go searching for that. I don't think it's something you can look for. "You can never find it, when you're looking for it..." - Blue & Yellow, The Used. I think that's true. But that might just be me...
You're right when you say most young people think intimacy involves being to pressed together...Society and what we see in the media I think affects that. It sucks that at school we weren't allowed to hug our friends. Part of the whole "hands off policy" since kindergarten and before.
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